Something that comes up in my circles regularly is the worry about what others are thinking about what you’re doing and how you’re living your life.
When does it matter what others think about you?
Maybe when your most intimate council of friends perceives that you’re acting from a hurt place and want to give you gentle feedback.
Maybe when the elders in your community want to advise or direct you based on what they have seen in you since you were a child.
Maybe when you truly are in danger of losing something precious.
I’m guessing here, based on personal experience and high-quality relationships. Answer for yourself and see if you can debunk your own myths.
I live a relatively independent lifestyle with little concern for what others think of how I’m parenting my children, how I look, show up in community, do my work, relate to Spirit, vote, etc. Not everyone cares to be so free-wheelin’, but what I realize in conversation with women is that most of their fears about what others think of them serve only to keep them small.
Self-conciousness is the opposite of confidence, and our culture seems to be obsessed with showing up in a way that will get them external validation. Why?
Because we’re starving for approval.
My theory on why this occurs is because we were reared during a time when it was considered very important to allow others’ perceptions about us be more important than our own, to the point of dissociating with our own ability to be satisfied and be “enough” for ourselves. Proving worth, climbing ladders, and showing off assets has sort of outlived its short-term usefulness, at least in my communities. What is here to take its place is confidence about the path you’re walking, and a willingness to walk it no matter what other people think or say about you. It requires strength and vulnerability, and a determination to protect your energy when you are walking your walk.
Detaching from other folks’ opinions of you creates room for your opinion of yourself, which has become lost in the chaos of what you think is expected of you. Your values rule when you can stand tall up on those beautiful hind quarters and spread your wings wide.
You are the queen of your realm.
And so it is.